The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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