My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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