When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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