I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
