Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
