ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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