she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
