just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
