do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
