Someone shit on the floor
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
