remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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