I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
