The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
