in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize