How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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