so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I want her autograph on my taint
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
