You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
