I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
