I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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