yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
