i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
