Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
