So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
