Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
