Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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