I wish I could punch you in the face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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