Apparently you make a good broom.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
