a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
