Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish you could order shots online.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Randomize
