You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
