I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
