I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
