I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
