I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
