piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
