Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
