I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
