I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
