Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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