do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
