Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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