some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
