No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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