how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
