No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
