my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
