My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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