just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
