Apparently you make a good broom.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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