i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
