i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
