Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
