My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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