Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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