I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
