We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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