God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
