Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
