So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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