I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
