my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
