i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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