mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
