He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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