Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
