I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
