Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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