are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
