all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
