The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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