Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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